Last night’s episode of Real Housewives of New York City had us in spas, runways, parks and award dinners. ((Oh My)).
We start with LuAnn waiting on a sidewalk for none other than Kelly Bensimon. Kelly is always late – she wants people to think she is busy and she is important. She finally shows up and LuAnn and Kelly talk love over a Mani-Pedi. LuAnn is in love and Kelly wants to be in love. She is lonely. She wants to have another baby. She wants her daughter’s Sea & Teddy to have a NORMAL life. ((Insert the sound of screeching car brakes)). First of all, Kelly Killoren Bensimon if you want your daughter’s to have a normal life, immediately call your physician and get on some anti-psychotic meds. Second of all, stop naming your children with non-normal names! Someone call Rosie Pope from “Pregnant in Heels” and get that focus group together if Kelly is going to have another kid and be responsible for naming it.
LuAnn suggests that Kelly come to a singles wine tasting even that Ross Gellar look-a-like is hosting. Sonja and Cindy will be there too. Kelly agrees. She is desperate. She is begging for her Prince to come around the corner and rescue her.
The girls attend the wine tasting which is set up like “speed dating”. Kelly asked one poor kid who told her he was an actor to pretend he was in a scene: he has cancer and he is going to propose to her. ((Okay Kelly, in your own words “That’s just creepy”)). One guy told Cindy how old he was and she said “I could be your mom”. He looked at her and was like “Uh yeah, duh”. ((Oh this wine tasting/speed dating is going
sooooooooooo well)). LuAnn coo’s to Ross Gellar that the ladies are having fun and she just knew that meeting some single Europeans would be good for them.
Sonja and Alex decide to meet for lunch or dinner at a restaurant to clear the air about Sonja hijacking the march for equality event. Alex is waiting at the table when Sonja comes in right off the plane from Siberia. ((At least that was how she was dressed)). They agree to disagree about what happened and move forward ((kiss kiss on the checks)).
Ramona invites all the women to a reward dinner where she will be named “Woman of the Year” for all of her business successes. After all, she supports all of them so they should support her.
Kelly and her oddly named girls along with Cindy, her twins and the entire village that it takes to raise those twins attend a birthday party for Alex. The party is being held on some island outside of NYC. There are other people there, lots of kids, lot of champagne, lots of wind and lots of cold temperatures from what it looked like. Simon got his liquid courage and decided to go in to give Alex a birthday kiss. Francious ((or whatever their little boys name is)) was mortified and ran into her causing her to dump her glass of champagne on his head – but ha ha, isn’t that funny? Not only is he wet and cold but he now smells like alcohol. Oh good times, good time. Alex says it was the best birthday yet! ((Maybe next year they can top it by letting one or both kids do keg stands – wouldn’t that be fun?)).
Kelly and Cindy meet for lunch or dinner ((yes, I know but at least these women aren’t doing what the Miami crew did in every episode and meet at a frickin’ cooking lesson)). Kelly doesn’t want to attend Ramona’s event because there is still friction. She decides to lie and send her RSVP via text. ((As Dwight from RHOA would say “How dreadful”)). However, Kelly being Kelly, she is having a very hard time putting the sentence together. This is ridiculously funny seeing as Kelly “claims” to have a degree in Literacy & Writing from Columbia. ((Whether or not she means the University or the Coffee Plant remains to be seen)). The look on Cindy’s face was priceless. Like waiting for someone that stutters to get the words out!!! Eventually she figured it out and the text was sent.
For some reason unknown to man, a fashion designer asked Ramona to model his clothes which meant, she was hitting the catwalk again. The last time she did that her eyes already the size of golf balls, looked even bigger and they looked like they were going to pop out of her head! LuAnn came because Ross was busy and there was no way she was going to miss this one like she missed last years. ((Is it me or has LuAnn gotten a little snarky since she became CountLess?)). Ramona decides against the eye pop and goes for the eye squint as she walks. She still rocks her hips like nobody’s business. Ramona dahling, stick to business, leave the modeling to people that know what the hell they are doing.
Next we visit Alex who is on a photo shoot because she is a new fashion model ya’ll. My favorite part of that scene was Alex bragging that her body is as sinful as Alexis Bellino’s because she can pretty much eat whatever she wants and not worry about her weight and she can wear pretty much whatever she wants. I then applauded the Bravo editing team because then they show the set people trying to get Alex into the clothes – the problem is, the clothes don’t fit! They are too tight.
Once the squeeze her into a sausage casing, rat her hair into a birds nest and smudge some charcoal under her eyes, she is all set to go. “Let’s make some magic” she tells the photographer. No Alex, that is the Photoshop and airbrush team that will make the magic.
Alex decides to channel ballet’s Swan Lake – not the ugly one but the pretty one – as her motivation for the shoot. Not sure what effed up kind of ballet SHE watches, but I’ve never seen anything that looked like THAT! When she is done, she tucks as much of her big, ratted hair in as she can and hikes on up town for Ramona’s big night.
Immediately the women were talking about Alex’s hair. ((She just came from a shoot damn it --- stop, stop, stooooooop)). LuAnn could not attend that night because she was busy with her “kids”. Or Ross Gellar look-a-like. She sent her regret the good old fashioned way “dahling”. Ramona is nervous about giving her speech- she doesn’t know if she is going to throw up before or after, but she is going to purge one way or the other. She starts reading her speech and Cindy was trying to pay attention but Sonja was translating everything Ramona was saying. Cindy looked like she was ready to go all NeNe on her ass until Sonja realized her drink was empty and ran off to the bar to get a refill.
Last but not least the girls meet up at Cindy’s place of business ((she removes hair)). They drink and talk about, uh, landscaping – and not your backyard kind of landscaping. Do you go all bare or do you prefer a landing strip? Or maybe you like a big bushy bush. LuAnn decides to go for it because Ross Gellar would be really uber excited about THAT.
Did anyone even notice that Jill was absent? She was in Australia hanging with the kangaroos.
He went on to say "Her “firing” apparently occurred around the time she interviewed Las Vegas real estate mogul and restaurateur Nico Santucci at his Parisian Palace estate. Nico also called me to play mentor when he was asked to take over from Danielle. I turned down the invitation, but it’s nice to know I’m still wanted, even if in a very strange series of events"!
