Let’s recap last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Orange County shall we? Tamra and Vicki are in Cabo for the girls vacation they always wanted to take but couldn’t. They get in their hotel suite and begin taking shots of tequila. But they don’t seem to know how. ((There IS an art you know)). Do you suck it, drink it, lick i...t? Or do you drink it, lick it, suck it? Or is it lick it, drink it suck it? They don’t really find their answer, but they get a good buzz trying to figure it all out.
Poolside, Tamra wants to talk about the fun sex she is having. One time she had fun sex for 5 hours! Vicki doesn’t want to talk about it but Tamra is persistent. She is having these Holy Orgasms and she was all of Cabo Mexico to know! Then she tells Vick that maybe, after having 4 kids, she should undergo a “vaginal makeover” you know because things get stretched and pulled. She wants her vajayjay to be tight and pretty. Again, Vicki is mortified at the conversation. ((I think because Vick has forgotten what sex feels like. After all, her love tank has been dried up and so is her vajayjay me thinks)).
Back in the OC, Bible Barbie (AKA Alexis) is hard at work with her new dress line. ((How hard can it be to copy a dress that you like, implement a few changes and then put your label on it?)) In fact kids, I think I’m going to start doing this as soon as I am done with this blog. I always liked Garanimals. I have some super ideas.
Bible Barbie tells viewers that she has always been a career woman. I don’t know about YOU all, but my jaw actually dropped to the ground. Really? Doing what exactly? I know she was busy back in the day sending seksi photos of herself to Maxim Magazine in hopes of being featured in their magazine. ((Oh my, what would Jesus say?)) She goes on to explain that she and Jim ((and by she & Jim, that means JIM)) decided that as soon as her dress line got in the way of her waiting on him hand & foot, she would not ((be allowed)) to do this anymore. He fronted the money for the dress line. She needs to work it off by plucking his back hairs off on a daily basis.
Bible Barbie and Gretchen have lunch and drinks ((naturally)). Gretch is going to have a bloody Mary because she was pretending she was in Cabo the night before and drank too much tequila. ((Maybe Gretch is trying to secure her spot in the next season of Celebrity Rehab?)) Gretch brings up her relationship with Slade and just doesn’t know if she wants to marry him. But she hears her biological clock ticking away and knows she does want to have children.
Bible Barbie starts with her usual “In biblical terms” if you have kids without being married they will be bastards and God doesn’t like bastards speech. She just wants Gretch to marry him already. I think she just wants to be in the wedding party so she gets some much desired attention. Gretch tells her she is going to plan a surprise party for her parent’s 40th wedding anniversary. Bible Barbie says God is very happy with her parents for committing to their marriage vows.
Peggy did a documentary for women that suffer with post partum depression. She too suffered and still has bad days. She had thoughts of throwing herself down stairs and even getting a gun. However, her natural healing mother told her of holistic treatments ((Tom Cruise would be soooooooooo happy with her)) and she started to feel better. ((Or so she says)). She, her saint of a husband and their children go to Palm Springs for a little family vacation. Pegs is nervous because she doesn’t know if her Sam-E will withstand the hot temps in Palm Springs. She should be nervous. While hubby is in the pool with one of the girls, Pegs is sitting under the cabana with her daughter Capri. Pegs notices that Capri cut her finger and is bleeding to death!! Pegs freaks out! If she said “oh my gosh” one time, she said one hundred. Little Capri didn’t even realize she was about to lose her finger until Mom started asking her “did you get a hold of the knife? Are you going to kill me?” Pegs makes hubby get out of the pool. She then tells him that they ((and by they she means he)) should take her to emergency. He looks annoyed and rightfully so. But he doesn’t want her postpartum to manifest itself and have her shouting to everyone in the pool that there is a floater and they need to get out.
By the time hubby get to the ER, the bleeding stopped and the tiny cut was already starting to heal. Capri is annoyed at Pegs too because she wanted to swim damn it and mom ruined all her fun. I highly suggest Pegs get herself to an infant care class STAT because when her kids falls off their bikes, as ALL kids do, she is going to go on full freak out mode and it ain’t gonna be pretty.
Back in Cabo, Tamra and Vicki are getting their own freak on. We had body shots, gross fresh fish, Tamra renewing her friendship vows to Vick and fireworks to wrap it all up.
Poolside, Tamra wants to talk about the fun sex she is having. One time she had fun sex for 5 hours! Vicki doesn’t want to talk about it but Tamra is persistent. She is having these Holy Orgasms and she was all of Cabo Mexico to know! Then she tells Vick that maybe, after having 4 kids, she should undergo a “vaginal makeover” you know because things get stretched and pulled. She wants her vajayjay to be tight and pretty. Again, Vicki is mortified at the conversation. ((I think because Vick has forgotten what sex feels like. After all, her love tank has been dried up and so is her vajayjay me thinks)).
Back in the OC, Bible Barbie (AKA Alexis) is hard at work with her new dress line. ((How hard can it be to copy a dress that you like, implement a few changes and then put your label on it?)) In fact kids, I think I’m going to start doing this as soon as I am done with this blog. I always liked Garanimals. I have some super ideas.
Bible Barbie tells viewers that she has always been a career woman. I don’t know about YOU all, but my jaw actually dropped to the ground. Really? Doing what exactly? I know she was busy back in the day sending seksi photos of herself to Maxim Magazine in hopes of being featured in their magazine. ((Oh my, what would Jesus say?)) She goes on to explain that she and Jim ((and by she & Jim, that means JIM)) decided that as soon as her dress line got in the way of her waiting on him hand & foot, she would not ((be allowed)) to do this anymore. He fronted the money for the dress line. She needs to work it off by plucking his back hairs off on a daily basis.
Bible Barbie and Gretchen have lunch and drinks ((naturally)). Gretch is going to have a bloody Mary because she was pretending she was in Cabo the night before and drank too much tequila. ((Maybe Gretch is trying to secure her spot in the next season of Celebrity Rehab?)) Gretch brings up her relationship with Slade and just doesn’t know if she wants to marry him. But she hears her biological clock ticking away and knows she does want to have children.
Bible Barbie starts with her usual “In biblical terms” if you have kids without being married they will be bastards and God doesn’t like bastards speech. She just wants Gretch to marry him already. I think she just wants to be in the wedding party so she gets some much desired attention. Gretch tells her she is going to plan a surprise party for her parent’s 40th wedding anniversary. Bible Barbie says God is very happy with her parents for committing to their marriage vows.
Peggy did a documentary for women that suffer with post partum depression. She too suffered and still has bad days. She had thoughts of throwing herself down stairs and even getting a gun. However, her natural healing mother told her of holistic treatments ((Tom Cruise would be soooooooooo happy with her)) and she started to feel better. ((Or so she says)). She, her saint of a husband and their children go to Palm Springs for a little family vacation. Pegs is nervous because she doesn’t know if her Sam-E will withstand the hot temps in Palm Springs. She should be nervous. While hubby is in the pool with one of the girls, Pegs is sitting under the cabana with her daughter Capri. Pegs notices that Capri cut her finger and is bleeding to death!! Pegs freaks out! If she said “oh my gosh” one time, she said one hundred. Little Capri didn’t even realize she was about to lose her finger until Mom started asking her “did you get a hold of the knife? Are you going to kill me?” Pegs makes hubby get out of the pool. She then tells him that they ((and by they she means he)) should take her to emergency. He looks annoyed and rightfully so. But he doesn’t want her postpartum to manifest itself and have her shouting to everyone in the pool that there is a floater and they need to get out.
By the time hubby get to the ER, the bleeding stopped and the tiny cut was already starting to heal. Capri is annoyed at Pegs too because she wanted to swim damn it and mom ruined all her fun. I highly suggest Pegs get herself to an infant care class STAT because when her kids falls off their bikes, as ALL kids do, she is going to go on full freak out mode and it ain’t gonna be pretty.
Back in Cabo, Tamra and Vicki are getting their own freak on. We had body shots, gross fresh fish, Tamra renewing her friendship vows to Vick and fireworks to wrap it all up.
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